It's like pulling teeth!

Within the past few years I got put on the boyfriends health insurance and against my will was forced to switch dentists. I loved my dentist, but he refused to accept my new insurance. While I dislike this insurance company - because they hardly want to cover ANYTHING, and I have a ridiculous deductible, some insurance is better than no insurance. I have had the pleasure of seeing an orthodontist and a periodontist in my short life (lucky me). They were both wonderful though, and my ortho is who recommended my dentist that I loved, so I went to that office to ask them for a new recommendation. Their office is very well known in the area, and I come across people all the time that have been referred to him so I figured he would have a good idea of who doesn't suck. They came up with nothin'! The best they could do was point out a name that they recognized.

I took the chance and we have been seeing this guy for a while, but we HATE him. Not just because he's a dentist, but because he sucks! The office staff is horrible. They can never keep our appointments straight. Ed recently had an argument with them because according to them, his appt was on a day that he was on shift with the Fire Dept., not on the day they wrote on his appt card. Really people!?!?! And then I purposely didn't schedule an appt with them, so they took it upon themselves to schedule one for me, and then sent me a postcard in the mail. But, a few months later I got a card that said "please call to schedule your appt." Although, when I called to cancel ALL appointments, phantom or not, they said I had one scheduled. They always call us last minute to reschedule (sometimes on the day of our appt), but if we don't give 48 hours notice to cancel our appointment, we get charged. They offer "bilingual services", which is fine, but I only speak English, so please do not address me in espanol. I hate that they do that. Or better yet... while I'm sitting in the chair, with my spit bib on, they walk around behind me chatting in spanish. Ed's favorite reason for hating them is that his hygienist insists on watching Ellen while she cleans his teeth and she has jabbed him before because she is watching tv, instead of watching where the sharp object in her hand is going inside his mouth!

Needless to say, we have ended our relationship with them and their bad manners! But now, how the heck do I pick a new one!?!?!? That was really why we endured the torture in the first place. How the heck do you pick from a list and know that they aren't gonna be horrendous? Obviously I would prefer to go with a recommendation from friends or family, but nobody that they use is in my book. It's slim pickin's I tell ya!

So far, my criteria is as follows:

• If I can't pronounce your name, you are not a candidate.
• If I google your name and a bad review comes up, I ain't callin'
• If you are not in route of home, you're out. The boy is pushin' it trying to get there from work as is, he can't go out of his way. (he told me so)

And then if they have passed that part of the test, I ask the following questions:

• Are you currently accepting new patients?
• What are your office hours? (The boy needs them to accept appointment at least until 5ish)
• How far in advance do appointments need to be scheduled? (I have called places before that are booked a whole month in advance!!!)

But really, then what? How do you narrow it down from there? Does anyone have any suggestions of other important questions to ask!?! Help, please?